Peace & Pieces of the Heart ~ A Eulogy

“Sometimes I despair the world will never meet another man like him.”

— “Superman” by Crash Test Dummies, Brad Roberts (1991).

HE was loved more than HE ever knew how to love himself. Courageous, intelligent, and resilient, HE carried me through life’s trials, lifting me higher than I ever imagined possible. Despite earning the respect of colleagues and achieving great professional heights, HE never lost touch with those who had less, showing an unending compassion for others. HE did the best HE could and carried me until HE could no longer.

From as early as age two and a half, it became clear that something was wrong. HE faced a rare, debilitating disorder that brought chronic pain, numerous surgeries, and the burden of orthopedic braces. HE wore them day and night, each step a testament to HIS endurance. HE endured MISS-diagnosis, MISS-treatments, and yet, it was the best care available at the time. HE accepted the uniqueness of HIS condition, seeing it as a gift that deepened HIS empathy for others suffering in their own ways. For in the end, aren’t we all broken in some shape, form, or manner?

HE did the best HE could and carried me until HE could no longer.

HE protected me, kept me safe, and shielded me from harm. For decades, HE faced MISS-understandings and biases with fortitude, even as they created turmoil within. HE wore the mask of the cantankerous curmudgeon, often MISS-understood and MISS-judged, while internally battling self-doubt and self-loathing. HE struggled to reconcile the disharmony of being “the other,” accepting HIS fate as a burden he must carry. But still, HE did the best HE could.

HE lived a full life, loving deeply, even when he struggled to love himself. HE treated HIS wife with respect, and together, they shared adventures that led them as far as the last frontier of Alaska. HE loved her always, even as life’s challenges caused them to drift apart.

HIS two little princesses brought sunshine and joy, and even now, they continue to light HIS world. HE created countless family memories—each one a testament to the love and joy they shared. These moments, preserved in home movies and photos, were HIS way of holding onto their smiles and their laughter, perhaps knowing that one day, they would be the legacy of a life transformed.

HE did the best HE could and carried me until HE could no longer.

Despite HIS efforts, HE could not always maintain peace within himself. HE sacrificed, often to the point of martyrdom, to appear serene while privately battling inner storms. HE was surrounded by love, yet often felt alone. HE could not accept himself fully. HE faced imposter syndrome and the suffocating weight of living a life not true to HIS heart. It took decades before HE could finally acknowledge and embrace the truth of HIS identity. It wasn’t until HIS daughters were adults that HE felt he could begin to live authentically. HE reconnected with HIS college roommate, HIS steadfast friend of forty years—someone who had always seen him for who he truly was. THIS friend’s love, patience, and care became a lifeline, guiding HIM toward the wholeness.

HE did the best HE could and carried me until HE could no longer.

Now, as I carry HIM in my heart, I remember HIS courage. HE was far too significant to be disMISSed or relegated to a life of mundane normality. HE made choices true to HIS heart, even when they came with pain and loss. HE learned that HE couldn’t change others’ hearts, even those of family. When HE finally embraced the truth of HIS identity, some could not accept it, and it caused great conflict. HE struggled with the magnitude of transformation, attempting to disappear three times. But tHIS path—tHIS journey—was not one HE chose; it chose HIM.

HE did the best HE could and carried me until HE could no longer.

In the end, HE had to let go. HE said goodbye to the “little boy” within, leaving behind the life HE had known. At HIS wife’s request, they separated, and HE began anew, hundreds of miles away. THIS metamorphosis, which had long called to him, was finally realized. The disharmony he once suppressed was embraced as harmony, and the burden was lifted. The simple, clear path he had once avoided became the way to HIS peace.

SHE found wholeness in authenticity, and now, SHE stands with strength. These are the pieces of HER life that have brought HER peace. SHE is loved more now in a way HE never imagined possible.

SHE is loved more now than HE could have ever loved himself. SHE is free.